The little things

How distant have we all truly become: to believe that the only things that make us feel like we are a part of each others lives, are the machines we created that drift us all further apart. x_x 

She loved him

I loved him all of him,
how he crawled beneath my skin
and into my soul. I loved him all of him
Like how he took trips over my dark fields and paths of roses left  to grow.
I loved him for how he left a spell in his touch , and how he took me as a whole.
 I love him all of him , for how he made sense of all of my bones.
Not only for this  I loved him all of him
 for how he healed my pieces,
guiding them all home. 

Come back to me, Someday

It is something I cant find. Maybe its lost in the time or in this gushy wind. Heartbeat thumps and skips it beat like I jumped into the puddles after the rain. Is it that hiding moon playing peek-a-boo with me, covaering itself under the beautiful pink sky just after  rains or have I lost my memory in sync that I could not find the thing I want, or is it my heart yearning for some more love each day long. I can sense the smell of rain on clumsy mud, even the rainy wind is not complete.I am not sure of what I am looking for.Surrounded with happiness and surprises all around me,circled with all my kith and kin and very few dear ones who show true love at least not flaunting their transparent hypocrisy unlike others. But yet something has disappeared . If the wind blows tomorrow and the buds bloom into pretty flowers someday and my pavement basks in sun while the shores sight the moon. I want to bloom in your smiles and bask in your sorrows and sight your face above me .because the missing,disappeared and the incomplete part of my life which went astray is "you" .
Come back to me like a reversed shooting star. Someday.

Second Sunday of May

There You held my pinky finger and dropped me to school everyday " and here I search for your fingerprints on my fingers if you have left some imprints behind."

You taught me nursery rhymes with actions just to make sure that I must win every competition. Today twinkle twinkle lil star is my favorite one because you always knew no one can sing any better than me."I can still hear my baby voice in my head where your voice always fades away."

All of the barbie dolls reminds me of you because you always sewed various outfits for my dolls "but I barely remember the colors of their dresses.

I remember the day when I forgot to flower my kiss on your cheeks before stepping into my school bus, when you called me back and I leaned onto you and kissed you. That day cannot be gone ever."but the feel of your touch is missing."

The inspiration for my artistry is you and your motivation,You believed in my doodles. Every time I scrawled down anything crap which was barely able to figure out what was it !!! You always appreciated me and rectified my art." I don't feel that zeal while painting anymore."

Every time I mention your name,I try to hide all of my tears, my body is frozen with fear but this heart is still moist for your love. All of my days are empty without hearing from you and I still haven't figured out "how to fill the void you have left in my life"

Its a second Sunday of may and like always I miss you more each year.

Heartbreak

It feels like watching a flashback in slow motion.You see your lover pulling away. A friend betraying you. A sibling not holding your hand. A mother not smiling. A sister pushing away your hug. Its just not emotional and physical but also psychological and spiritual.All this is heartbreak, a heartbreak of your own because they have gone too far for quite some time now.By the time they realize anything,we will be gone too far for quite long time then. Still !!! We keep hopes. There is always a hope for sunshine,desire for a kiss,longing for someone to return back,aspiration for self improvement,a belief or faith in one self to keep optimism on the top shelf.Have you ever built castles in the air ? Well... Mine,crumbled and shattered into pieces,yet I tried to save the shambles of every relationship. They say hope is a fools paradise. But I will call it a promised land. Always.

All we need is a band-aid for broken heart.Some replacement to fill the space,that place which they used to hold someday. As days pass and by the time we find the replacement for our loss,we paint a happy face and pretend to be fine. We wear those masks of joy just to make this world believe that we are okay,whereas a deep dark saddened face can only express sorrows and lies. Even if you travel with hope into a dark tunnel you will always find a way out.

We make mistakes,we fall,crumble and stand up again and still make mistakes,Some repeat the same where some try to improve.Overall its just a human heart.Lets forgive and keep forgiving. I feel forgiving someone is a purification of soul,a solution for heartbreaks.Yes forgiveness can mend broken hearts.Forgiveness is not easy but it is necessary.There comes a time in everyone's life when we start building castles in air be it family friends or your love someone surely comes and breaks it into tiny pieces and do that coward dance by disconnecting us from their lives.That one coward is present in every friendship. If they feel they did the right thing, courage is to come forward and prove them rather hide their faces under a masked face. Masqueraders!!! In order to forget the pain, to forget someone, to forget about all the months of anguish, we must forgive. If forgiveness does not fall at a proper place then enmity takes place by poisoning our hearts, numbing all the pain and forcing us to be one of them.masqueraders.

We are mere humans who repeatedly make mistakes,break hearts, our hearts break too. We see hope and fall into the pit of expectations,some are cruel some are natural, some act fake, some cheat, some care, some are destructive, vulnerable and really not worthy of forgiveness. Yet learn to forgive and let go of the things what happened even if the transparent linings of pain may remain forever. Shame,blame,disrespect,betrayal withholding of affections damage the roots from which the love grows.love can only survive if the fragments of hearts are healed and acknowledged by forgiving.

There was a storm in her head !!!

It was a long winter day and the door bell rings, I ran towards the staircase to open the door. It was Alisha, my bff !!! She seemed gloomy I knew something was not ok with her. She burst into tears without warning me of what is going to happen. All she needed was a hug from me which seemed like a mute button to her tears or like calmness after a heavy downpour. We sat around the round table across the window and it was when I realized the clouds were crying.Yes, It was raining. Alisha was speechless but she had lots to say. I knew she always bottled her emotions and showed the world that she was a strong girl.

You never think it can happen to you. Never. Not in a million years. Then it did and in the entire time she felt like she was in the eye of a hurricane. There was a sense of calmness because the worst had yet to come.

You know !!! Alisha was that kind of girl who would bottle up her emotions inside and look like nothing has happened.Strong,brave, bold,enduring,dauntless girl was Alisha with no fear of what will happen tomorrow but enjoy all of her present. They say Destinies are not alike and so was her fate unlike other normal girls around her. The storm of her past always haunted her even in her lively dreams. No mountains of anything good could destroy the hurricane in her mind which consecutively splashed in her head everytime. It was like a loop of a bad memory which never left her alone and till I know she is still dwelling in the dark hole.

It was a storm in her eyes which changed her life completely. It came into her life without warning and lasted for ten years of memory which she had barely narrated to me. The storm almost killed her and also changed the course of her life which only illusioned like a dark immortal cave with no end. She heard the resonating echoes of the hurricane everyday which almost strangled her to death. Alisha was merely swinging with hopes to see a rainbow someday. The winds have stilled and rains have stopped, But there is not a single day that goes by a wispy breeze and cannot remind of the hurricane. A hurricane whose name she can never forget, I will never forget ...

This storm was called cancer.

A thought- I wish it is wrong.

She says, I remember you saying "I am a fish and you are my water" Do you still feel the same about it or something has changed yet ? Changed you or your love has changed ? Do you still feel butterflies in your stomach, when you think of our next meet ? Do you still look at those pictures and fall asleep ? Do you miss me when you look at strawberries anywhere around the world? Like moon is temporary while sky is still, waves are episodic but ocean is eternal Sometimes I feel love is temporary where relationship is permanent. I wish these thoughts are false. There was a day when you ran out of your dorm, despite of the heavy rain , you picked your overcoat from the closet, barely half worn running and skipping the puddles just to glance at me for a while.love is an intuition. Your love to me is a presence that cannot be lost, My residence that cant be changed and your permanence that will stay still ever.Do you feel the same about it ?

A Naive feeling 09-09-11

It was a tough,dry day and I climbed up to my terrace for some rest and peace. I sat on the stairs and felt the cool breeze brushing through my face which almost created a peaceful atmosphere around I felt like I was surrounded by the calmness of silence. I felt good and in the mean time it started drizzling .I walked inside and felt those tiny , cold drops on my face which made me feel like my – “ Dream come true , wish for the day .” I sat on the first stair, drenching my feet in rain. Raindrops tickling my wet feet and then finally I was lost in my thoughts , I felt happy yet I was sad , I was smiling but my heart sobbed , I felt special and still I was an ordinary girl . These things confused me twisting and tangling my the diction of my brain which needed an answer , a simple answer and then utterly I realized, it was the damn LIFE which make us believe It has 2 different phases of its own . Sometimes Miserable, wretched and grieving and soon it turns out to be beautiful, enchanting and blissful. I could never let those moments dry on my mind , So I tried my best to transform my thoughts into a Poem .

I sit around the stairs and look at the dark sky,
And ask my God why does my heart cry?

Is it for someone who can never be with me?
Or for someone with whom my heart rests in glee.

I can hear the downpour coming close to me,
And tears roll down my eyes and rest on my cheeks.

Impatient, thwarted, and miserable I feel,
I doubt if my life is not an ordeal.

Looking back at times when my heart was only mine,
and now I share it with someone fond, gentle and kind.

So I look at myself in glaze and a saucy smile I give,
And walk away thinking I have A life to LIVE.